I wasn’t honest with myself or others

When I split with my ex boyfriend, I was so desperate for him to be in my life again and for us to be together I ignored all the bad aspects of our relationship and thought that it was lifestyles that split us. I hid the truth from my friends and also to protect myself and hold on to the hope. I know am over him, I really am and need to explain what really happened.

He had a close friendships with all his ex’s and one female friend, I was happy with this at the start of the relationship until I saw a conversation between him and his female friend, it sent the cogs working, it ate away at me for a month or so I asked him and they were just friends, always have been nothing else. I snooped it was wrong over the new year and found messages and photos I did not like. I confonted him about the photos and he said they had being sent before we met, I didnt check the date before he deleted them and I believed him, he was so upset and remorseful. He also told me that they had slept together on a number of occassions no strings no relationship. I forgave him and we carried on, but he was aware that I was not keen on her and their friendship and I just asked him to be respectful of me, I didnt want him to no contact her as in my book that was childish for me to ask of him.
Fast forward 4 months, the contact had ramped up as she had found out she was pregnant by a one night stand, and she and her new bf were keeping the baby. I could understand this…..he is her friend….anyway something made me look at his phone again, I know this is bad form but my gut made me…..and again I found new recent photos graphic ones and messages text sex….. I again got upset and confronted him…..he said it was me he wanted, I asked him outright and said I would walk away right then if he wanted out, he said it was me, me he wanted to marry have kids with….but he could explain why they were texting….. all this made me insecure alongside his military job and things constantly changing, i was insecure.
Two weeks later after an arguement he broke up with me saying that he loved me, he was crazy about me, wanted to marry me but that at the moment he couldn’t give me what he wanted to give me and what I deserved……

Im more annoyed that I didn’t do the breaking, taken for a fool I think…..now thats the truth.

Thank you for listening

why would he do that and say the opposite??